I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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