Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
