Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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