okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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