paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
