I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
