i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
