and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
