i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
