Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
