yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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