Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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