I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
