I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
