so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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