Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
