I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
