ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
