Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
