Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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