i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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