Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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