I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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