i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
