I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
