So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I am one with the molecules
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
