so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
