Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We need to get me chipped asap
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
