this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
