His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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