Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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