is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
