Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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