When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
