bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize