I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
