ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
