found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
