Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
