I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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