your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
