Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i came on her dog
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize