We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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