I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
