I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
