Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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