Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
