ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
