And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
