You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize