Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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