There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
3 2 1 whiskey
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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