I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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