4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
