kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
