pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize