guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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