So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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