You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
