I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My ATM looks so different sober.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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