Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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