Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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