Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
