Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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