I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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