Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
