Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
