she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize