This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
my liver is dry heaving
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize