1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
