Sober January is a disaster.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
